Well, 2016 was interesting….
The year in which (against the backdrop of too much news) I broke, found true love, repaired myself, found hope, experienced unexpected sadness and my family went from single mum plus one small to a party of five.
It’s been busy, just with acts of surviving and rebuilding and, much to my sadness but now no longer to my shame, I neglected building up my own writing, including my beloved #Ethical366 (which I stick to despite not being able to post monthly updates on) and fiction writing.
When the New Year came I was up to my eyeballs in flu. Surrounded by small children and with the care of my partner I was ensconced in my safe place, our fortress of family against the world. I didn’t have the resources for future planning but, in that safety, I didn’t need to think.
With the return to work after the festivities went, still wiped by the illness that the kids seemed to have fended off with their flu jabs, I was met with the dead panic of stress. I was lucky, I had the support of someone who understood, which I’d not been so lucky to have when I first broke. I was able to deploy tactics learned from cognitive behavioural therapy sessions and saw things as they are, dealing on terms which didn’t leave me unwell or defeated.
So, with the panic settling down and my wellbeing started to improve, I’ve finally had the time and space to reflect on the year done and the one unfolding in front of me.
One of the biggest lessons I learned from my therapy journey was to be forgiving of myself, to not roll back into behaviours which create the stress which took me down and left me detatched from my life. So this year will not come with goals – it will come with hopes on two themes – Friends and Family, Writing.
I’m hoping to recant my errant 2016 ways and make 2017 a year when I go back to the friendships I have been fortunate enough to have for some years – there will be time to share and letters to write. 2016 was such a struggle to keep myself together, never mind to keep friends and family close. I want this year to be the year I spoil those who have been there for me in harder times.
And 2017 will not come with making immaginary commitments to myself to be productive in my writing – fictional sticks to beat myself with. I’m just going to write. I’m going to explore. I am going to find out about people and share
My writing doesn’t have to become something. I have a job and, right now, I can deal with that. I’m just going to write and enjoy it.
Plans for the future? Well the boy and I have spoken so much about our wishes for the future. Our circumstances right now mean that these dreams seem far away, but we’re building. And I want to talk about it as we build in future “Bringing Change” posts. Watch this space…